It has been a rough weekend for me. I am lucky I got some really good friends. Friday night, Miles and my mom and I went to the Ohio Union where I got to perform some Capoeira. Then we went to Beakman park where I got to perform again for a fundraiser.
Saturday, Miles and I went to see Talib Kweli and The Roots. It was a good show. Miles and I saw Talib Kweli some months ago and that show sucked. He only performed two songs and then his back-up girls did the rest and as Miles said “It was just a dance party”. But last night he totally rocked.
It sounds like a nice weekend doesn’t it? But it was a hard weekend. I’ve been thinking about Alexi a lot. I loved him so much and shared a huge part of my life with him. I burst into tears today when my sister asked me when was the last time I saw him. I told a friend of mine that I want Alexi to call and say any of the following three things “I am sorry I cheated on you. I am sorry I hurt you. How are you dealing with the miscarriage?” Anyone of those three phrases would be nice. But he hasn’t. I trusted him and he hurt me, so it goes right? I’ve tried writing in my journal, I’ve talked to my friends, I’ve seen a therapist. There are moments when I feel like I am moving forward. And then there are moments when a Maná or Molotov song is played and I curl my shoulders forward and the warm tears stream down my face.
sorry to ‘read’ that. i don’t know you, but you sound like a good person. try to keep yourself with good company. avoid listening to music that makes you sad. no se, but ‘therapy’ is always good, either ‘professional’ or just friends. my compadre goes to a circulo de hombres, and that seems to do him a lot of good. maybe you need to get together a ‘circle of women,’ good friends who can express themselves openly, knowing that what’s spoken in the circle, stays in the circle. sometimes its good to cry, and cry with someone yo u really trust. and then have a big huge ice cream.
you should post some picture of you doing capoeria. i’m trying to find something to do for the summer. i wish there was a good ‘mexica’ danza group around here.
I understand how it feels, what you are going through. My current state has me doubting just about every aspect of my life. I have a difficult time being myself in front of a group of strangers. The therapy has helped in that I am starting to understand my problems, but just when I think I’m going forward, you know feeling good about myself, heyâ€â€moving on, there’s something that smacks me and it’sâ€â€bam, back to where I was. It’s difficult, Em, and I say, just try to be strong.
I hate when you feel shitty and every sad or angry song with forlorn lyrics seems to fit. Music can be so comforting sometimes and then do the opposite at other times. It sucks.
On another note, I’m glad you got to see The Roots and Kweli. I got the chance to see the Roots free on campus and it brought back lovely memories.
I’m really sorry to hear what happened to you. I just had a baby 2 months ago and if something like that would have happened I think I would have died. But I think the best therapy is hanging out with all your family and friends. I’m not talking about any friends I mean your true friends. Well I wish you the best of luck and happiness even though I don’t know you.