I am sick. I have to finally admit it. I used to think that allergies were for whiney-ass bitches. What’s wrong with you? You allergic to the air? Crybaby.
Beneath my scratchy watery eyes and my painful sinuses, I was in shock as the doctor told me I had allergies. No, not me! I am Mexican. Only white people get allergies because they don’t know what real pain is, come on now. What do you mean I am allergic? I guess that would make sense I have allergies to Ohio. That’s right to the whole damn state of Ohio.
Here I am, having been suffering with my allergies for over a week now and in denial. It got so bad tonight that I started to cough-up blood. A small amount mind you of fresh bright red blood from having been coughing so much. I went to take my medicine and realized that I hadn’t refilled the prescription since last year. Fuck. So I took something else…not telling you what but it is good for the allergies. On top of that I am drinking my Mother’s cure-all. Just as Chicanos have the stereotypical “7-Up” cure all my mother has her’s. I had to search through the fridge before I found a small invidual size bottle of orange juice. Then I found my cayenne pepper heaped in a couple tablespoons, thats right TABLESPOONS not teaspoons and heated it all up in the microwave. If you are going to make this for children add honey.
Tomorrow:
1. Buy more OJ
2. Buy more cayenne pepper
3. Get drugs
Allergies are for whiny-ass bitches? You have got to be kidding. I’m sure allergies are an indigenous thing, actually. Seems to me people with native ancestry have more allergies. I blame it on all the crap brought over from Europe that messed with our immune systems.
Trust me, whitey knows the 7-Up cure-all, too. Interstingly enough, though, the 7-Up cure-all actually killed one of my friends. That’s what an undiagnosed case of diabetes and a case of the flu will do to you.
P.S. I think I’ll pass on the OJ and cayenne peppers. Alcohol makes my allergies go away… or at least I don’t notice them anymore…
I’m with James. Some good strong Irish coffee will take care of ya.
allergies are the work of the devil (hey, i’m not even religious). well, i don’t know what cayenne peppers are, but good luck. one piece of good news, allergies go and come, you might find that some years they are barely noticeable, and others, you want to scrub your sinuses with a babybottle cleaner.
“For children add honey.” Ha! Like I could get my kids to touch something with cayenne in it!