Elenamary

I hate it when people ask me if/tell me that I have jungle fever.
I hate it when people ask me if the myth about black men is true.
I hate it when people ask me if I date black men because they have big cocks.
I hate it when people tell me I need to be careful or my babies might be dark.

I don’t seem to get any comments from people when I date Latinos or White men but the moment I show interest in a black man a comment is made about “jungle fever“.

I threw a party. The guy I was dating at the time never showed up. He called me in the morning and explained “I drove by your place with Charles and we could see in your kitchen window. All we saw were white people. We figured it would be uncomfortable and they wouldn’t want us there anyway.” I explained to him that there were POC there. I explained to him that my party had mostly split into two groups. All the white people congregated in the kitchen and drank, all the POC surrounded the DJ in another room and danced. The white people went home early (around mid-night) and the POC stayed dancing (until about 5am).

I didn’t pay attention to the self-imposed separation until I found myself telling my male interest that he should have come-up to the party, that there were also non-white people. I felt a similar feeling at a party tonight. The only POC at the party tonight were me and the birthday-boy. The birthday-boy like me is half Latino. I felt out of place. I am just back from Mexico maybe that is what made the difference? Maybe I am going through a mini-culture shock after having hung out with my Mexican friends?

At some point during the party someone started to share stories that made me feel uncomfortable. Her intention wasn’t to be racist and she is a sweet person but what she was saying hurt me. She described her older brother as being mixed and explained that he had also “married a mixed woman”. “You wouldn’t believe it but their oldest child is white! Really white, like the whitest baby I have ever seen. I told my mom, can you believe that?” She and another young woman talked about how odd and unlikely it was that two mixed people would have a white baby.

I wanted to scream “I am mixed too and you can’t tell!”. Then I was afraid to tell them. Often when people say racist things in front of me and I tell them that I am mixed (I hate the term “mixed”) they then justify what they were saying and add that they could tell that I “have something”. What the fuck does that mean “have something”? Is it like saying you have something in your nose? I knew you had something in your nose but I didn’t want to say anything. I knew you were a spic but I didn’t want to say anything. BULL SHIT. You didn’t know I was until I told you and now you think that by telling me that you knew it makes you more PC