My mother told me that she was intimidated my first day of first grade in Ohio. I started school in Ohio the day before thanksgiving break. I had done the first part of first grade in Mexico. It was a change for me, of course there where the obvious things like language. I also didn’t understand the obsession of decorating things with Turkeys and colorful squashes but whatever white people are weird. And they were white. All of them were white, not one student of color in my class well except for me and I am, in terms of skin tone, white.
I now understand she was much more frightened about the first day of school than I was. She would tell me later that she was afraid that I would be ashamed of her. Afraid that I would be ashamed of her dark skin, of her accent, of her not fitting in with the other mothers. In third, fourth and fifth grade I asked my mother if I could join the elementary Orchestra. She didn’t know how to get me involved in it. Even now she will mention that she just didn’t know how to go about getting me an instrument or signing me up for the class, and she apologizes frequently that I wasn’t in orchestra. Her eyes water up and she hugs me and repeats “I am sorry, I am sorry, I tried, I am sorry. She did try and so what, I don’t play the violin or cello or base? I turned out okay.
I tutor four little girls from Oaxaca between the ages of 5 and 14. Recently, one of the girls who is 8 brought home a letter from a music teacher. The letter was in English and I translated it for the parents. Evidently, Yeni (the little girl) had shown interest in joining the music class which is really a violin only class but the children are required to provide their own violins. The teacher included a list of places the parents could buy a violin. Of course, Yeni’s parents can’t afford to buy her a violin.
I told my mother about Yeni wanting to play the violin and that I was posting a request on Craigslist to see if anyone could donate one. (No response yet). It was when I mentioned Yeni’s desire to my mother, that I made her cry. Again my mother apologized for not getting me in Orchestra and this time instead of her eyes watering up she actually began to cry. She encouraged me to try and find a free violin and told me that if I couldn’t she would scrape the money together herself to buy the violin.
I’ve told my mother numerous times that she did a very good job raising me and that I hope I can do just as well with my children. I just wish I knew how to help my mom let go of the guilt of me not knowing how to play a string instrument when I was eight. I wish I knew a way to keep her from crying about her abilities as a mother.
By the way if anyone has a small violin they could donate I am still in need of one for Yeni.
this is a lovely post and it made me teary even though I’m not a mother. I think good moms will always lament what they couldn’t provide for us, if they gave us the moon, they’ll be sad they couldn’t give us the sun.
gosh I hope you can find someone to donate a violin for Yeni…if you don’t set up an account and I’ll be glad to send some money (it won’t be much, but if you get enough people it might be enough?).
How much for a small violin these days?
That is a beautiful picture of you and your family.
I think tumbleweed said it best, “I think good moms will always lament what they couldn’t provide for us, if they gave us the moon, they’ll be sad they couldn’t give us the sun.” I thinl by getting Yeni a violin, that could in fact help your mom let go of something that maybe she feels she owes you. I’m not sure, just my opinion.
Once again, it’s a great picture. I think a picture like that brings back more memories for your mom than yourself.
Make sure you get the right size of violin… it has something to do with your preferred “approach,” even though I have no clue what that means…
http://www.kkmusicstore.com/ebay/violinsize.htm
elenamary, i encourage you to set up an account with paypal to fundraise for the violin. i can help with a small contribution as well.
I loved this post. I can relate so much. Can you rent a violin? I live in CA and my daughter rents one. DON”T buy a violin for Yeni because she will outgrow it and need a new one. My daughter started when she was 3. She is now 7 and is on her 4th or 5th rental violin. The music store people can size her for the right violin. We are still not at the full size.
Keep telling your mom that you love her, and that you are grateful for the wonderful teachings she bestowed on you! Values, morals, etc Her presence in your life has molded you into who you are!
Hopefully, someone in your area will come through with a “violin”.
Take Care!
This was beautiful. I know my parents — especially my dad — would speak about trying to give us the things that he and my mom could not have because they were poor. If the person you are now is any indication of the job your mom did in raising you, then I don’t think she has anything to cry about.
I have no idea where to find a small violin. Maybe Yeni would like to play trombone? She can have my old one… hehe.
The posting was so sweet. If you do open a paypal account to fundraise I’ll make a donation too.
I loved your post. It really got to the heart of how fraught with misunderstanding mother/daughter relationships usually are–and yet with the misunderstanding, there is much that doesn’t have to be said either. Does that make sense?
My Juarense mom had to adjust to living in small town North Carolina in the early 1980′s when there were NO spanish speakers–and she barely knew English. I’m so proud of how she managed with my sister and I, always volunteering in our classes and with field trips. She says she got involved for us, but maybe it was more for her to try to get over her inhibitions. Even with her involvement, I do remember not feeling like I could ask her for help with school-related stuff because she just wouldn’t understand. (My dad was in the Coast Guard and usually really busy with work, but he was around, too)
Hi there,
E-bay has a number of vilins for as low as $25.00 for children beginning their violin study. Please go tot he site and let me know if you are successful in purchasing one.