Elenamary

This isn’t a political, or personal, really it is nothing more than finding humor in others pain. Though I have to say that the response letter reads somewhat David Seaderis-ish. I got this from my friend Kevin.

The first message is from Elizabeth and an apparent apology to Brad over something that transpired which will be explained in Brads response below

—–Original Message—–
From: [mailto:********]
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 9:50 AM
To: ******
Subject: ugh

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I
feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that
I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the
people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person
that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all
for anything that happened, so I won’t even try other than to say
all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can
handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even
handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can’t
handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.

It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or
something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn’t crack a
smile if you paid me, there are songs I can’t listen to, and I
just ! feel beyond crushed. I don’t know if you meant everything you
said to me, and I am hoping that you didn’t. I know that I was wrong
on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we
can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you
have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can’t
imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say
that, and you could say that my behavior didn’t reflect that,and you
would be correct.

I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your
friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there
is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just
want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst
thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of
the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in
the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to
this, part of me thinks that you won’t. If not today, then maybe
some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together,
although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you
could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can’t
even focus or work today, I can’t eat, I seriously feel like it was
an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that
and you are not done with me. Please don’t cut me off, I
really don’t think I can handle that.

I am so sorry.

Elizabeth

—–Original Message—–
Sent: Monday, October 24, 2005 12:02 PM
Subject: Re: Ugh….enjoy.

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I’ll be sure to file it away under “L”
for “Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn’t care less
about”.

You did a stupid thing huh? No…doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is “a stupid thing”; Mixing in a red sock with a
load of whites is “a stupid thing”; Blowing some guy in a bathroom
for 45 minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you’re taking so
long because you ate too much bran that morning isn’t as much
a “Stupid thing” as it is grounds for permanent removal from my
social calendar.

To be honest, I’m not sure if it was more amusing that you went and
degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour
span, or that you seemed to think that by saying “Well, I didn’t
Fuck him” somehow gave you a clean slate.

So forgive me if I couldn’t care less if the world “looked funny” to
you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden
retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I’m sure it must have been
most unsettling to actually have to consider someone
else’s feelings for 24hours straight.

The good news for you is that my friends don’t think you’re a
terrible person, they just think you’re the average run of the mill
cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average
child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it’s pretty hard to
respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place
even though she’s seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up
tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning
commentary on Colin Farrell’s new haircut is worth putting up with
for a hand job in the men’s room.

The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into
the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser
last saturday, we’ll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the
time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class
you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs
you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little
like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS. I BCC’d about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad