I had an experience recently where I brought up white privilege to a white man I went to high school with. I told T that there would be advantages he enjoyed because of the color of skin. He then proceeded to tell me that I was as privileged as the next American. Also, he believed Mexicans were the most privileged “race” (his words) in the US because immigrants don’t learn English.

I never responded. I had already tried to engage in an intellectual discussion on racism, and it disintegrated to name calling. It sucks. I wish we (and by mean activists of color) knew better how to broach these discussions with people who should be our allies.

Very clearly, I can remember the message of “race doesn’t matter” or “we all come from a common thread” coming through in various songs/stories from my childhood. (Someday I should sing them for you, it is very embarrassing.)

What I learned from these rather shallow teaching about race what that I wasn’t supposed to ask questions about why we weren’t all the same, that I wasn’t supposed to point out differences, and that white people are really scared of being called racist.

Now, as an adult, I see the irony of my clasping hands with my all white peers and all white teachers singing such nonsense. Still, though, I find myself in many situations afraid to talk about race, afraid to be called racist, and a lot of the time not really knowing what to say or what to do.

I am tempted to default to the same opinion as your friend, the idea I was raised with, but simply wanting something to be a certain way doesn’t make it true.