I was given the domain elenamary.com as a gift, I think in the fall of 1999. We really didn’t have the word blog then, and I didn’t think of the internet as a place to journal. The only people I knew who had personal webpages had them on things like Angelfire (oh lord) and posted pictures of comics. I remember first building Elenamary with FrontPage, then moving on to Typepad, and then to WordPress. It was at some point between Typepad and wordpress that I discovered I had readers I didn’t personally know. I had written a post about Xicana identity and a man I had never met commented on my post. Holy shit! Things on the internet are public?!! A few years later I would look back at that moment and admit I was awe struck;
I was first brought to blogtitlan by el Padrino de blogtitlan, Julio Sueco of Yonder Lies It. He left a comment on my blog and it startled the shit out of me. It was back when I blogged for shits and giggles, never thinking people would question me, or get me to think about what I was saying. I’ve come to expect and look forward to people having a real discussion with me and causing me to stop and think. I was also shocked that Julio added me to his blog roll and commented about me right next to Ana Castillo. Damn! I was shocked. An academic Xicano reading my blog?! An academic Xicano who would put my blog right next to Ana Castillo’s blog?! She was someone I read about in class. She was someone who had authority to speak about being Latino, about Xicanoism, about Latino Studies. Why link to me? - Elenamary June 18, 2007.
Padrino Julio El Sueco lead me to other bloggers like CindyLu of Loteria Chicana fame, and David El Oso Pecoso and Seyd el Ethnoqueer. We became a close knit family. We confided in each other. It wasn’t like facebook or myspace or friendster. We shared intimacies online, we bared our souls (in ways I wouldn’t now). We actively read, not as you might now passively read 140 characters, we commented, sometimes thoughtful comments, sometimes short acknowledgments of presence. Our family grew.
We went from a few people, in touch all the time to an uncontrollably large group. Long after we had become to big to be an intimate family, I heard NPR describing a “blog” to its radio listeners but for us it had come to an end.
El Oso first noted they dying of our community in 2006 and asked:
Why, after such an intense outpouring of conversation, storytelling, and debating is there now so much silence? Mari, César, Alma, Wooj,Beckie, Julissa, and Seyd have stopped blogging altogether. Derek, Gustavo, Travis, Revaz, Chris, Daily Texican, Prentiss, and Elena now write at intervals only consistent in their inconsistency. And even old powerhouses like Cindylu, Karen, and HP (not that HP ever wrote anything himself anyway) have slowed down considerably.
But something has been changing more recently. We miss each other (we always did really) and facebook doesn’t cut it. Or as EMC said to me via email ”Not to knock it or anything, because I wouldn’t have discovered so much about myself and met so many fantastic people if it wasn’t for blogging, but in the case of the Facebook, I feel I’m being dictated on how to interact with people–that too me feels fake.”
Facebook does feel fake. In fact so do blogs. We were honest then, we were a smaller group then, maybe we were more naive. I also, find myself, censoring myself in a way I never thought I would. At dinner with El Oso in Mexico City (who I’d meet in person for the first time that week) I told him about some things I was afriad to blog about, things I couldn’t share anymore. He didn’t seem to understand why I couldn’t post it and maybe that’s why he has never stopped blogging. Although I will say even his posts are less personal now. After our first meeting, about a year ago, El Oso posted a blog titled More Open, Less Hypocritical that moved me:
Over the past couple months I have met two people for the first time that – in some ways – might know me better than some of my closest friends and family. Adriana and Elena Mary. I can’t tell you much of what they’ve been up to over the past couple years, but back in 2004 I could have given you a weekly summary of their lives. Back then Adriana was “Poor Little Tumbleweed” and Elena Mary was … well, pretty often upset about something or other. We were all part of a group of about 10 – 15 people who blogged at least weekly, always left comments on one another’s posts, and generally created an important sense of community out of nowhere. Relationships formed, relationships ended. Visits were made all the way across country. People who at first couldn’t stand one another came to develop a delicate respect for each other, which then turned into real, meaningful friendships. As we began to express and shape our identities online we were forced to reflect about our place in the world and how the way we were raised influenced the person we had become. This wasn’t always an easy process – as identity politics never are – but most importantly, we supported one another much more than we criticized each other.
And then it all came to an end.
It made me laugh and almost cry. Oso knows my personality pretty well and he was right, we did develop a respect for each other. HP and I have had an online battle for years. I just found this comment I’d left HP while arguing about gay marriage ”Sexual orientation is not dependant on action. If I fucked you HP, it wouldn’t make me straight (nor would it make me queer—only nauseous). My action of fucking you might be a heterosexual action but it does not make make me heterosexual, nor does it make me HPsexual.”
However, a few years later I would find myself broke, with a dead cell phone and stranded in Chicago. I got in touch with CindyLu who sent out word to blogtitlan that I was in need of a place to crash the night. By that evening I had been in touch with Liza of Culture Kitchen, HP, and Irasali. HP called some relatives who offered to let me crash at there place, Liza offered her hotel room floor (she was at the dialykos convention) and Irasali too offered up any help she could give. It was 2007, a couple years after our community had drifted apart but we were still there for each other–even HP for me. I miss a lot of blogtitlan and many that aren’t mentioned here. I want to meet all of you. I may get to meet many of you soon.
I’ll write a post later about what blogtitlan means to me. How I got into blogging, and with much more depth as to how I’ve changed since I started, and how our relationships have changed. However, the most important update for now is that after planning for 5+ years, we are finally getting together in San Diego. We are reconstructing a support system, our modern internet tribe. Not only are we going to hang out we are going to be long distance running!
After a suggestion from El Oso to do the Carlsbad Marathon, it looks like our well deserved (IMHO) reunion will revolve around the race. I’ve signed up for the 1/2 marathon, others for the full marathon, and others like HP and Gustavo have signed up to be hecha poras. I want more people to come, I want all of blogtitlan to come. I think so far confirmed for the Jauary 22 2012 blogtitlan reunion are as follows: Nathan Gibbs, El Mas Chingon, El Oso Pecoso, La Cindylu, XicanoPwr, La Poor Little Tumbleweed, GDR and The Hispanic Pundit. What about the rest of you blogueros whom I’ve loved for so long from such a distance?! Can you come to San Diego? Can you start blogging again? I know I feel a new animo to blog again, I can’t go back to what we used to have but I can start something anew. Let’s train together, let’s become physically fit, let’s encourage our writing, and self-exploration, let’s rebuild blogtitlan. And maybe let’s drop this facebook thing?
I am teary. And, oh, so excited!! This reunion is long overdue. I can’t wait to see you all, and perhaps meet some of you for the first time!! But mostly I too am inspired to blog again.
I still don’t think the community ever truly drifted apart. It changed, and that’s to be expected. However, I still felt compelled to share some of the most important news of my life with some of my bloguero friends, you, Oso, HP, César and Adriana were all on the list of people I emailed when I got engaged. I really didn’t think it was appropriate to just let you find out via FB, Twitter and the blog because there’s a deeper friendship there.
I’m grateful that I’ve been able to meet several folks and develop these long lasting friendships. Really, we’ve been doing this since 2004, have gone through lots of life changes, have moved many times, have ended or taken hiatuses from blogging. But you know what hasn’t changed? We still care about each other. January will come quick!
Thanks Elena, for writing such an inspirational post and for taking me into account.
I still can’t confirm, since I have a tight budget because my girlfriend and I have several weddings we have to travel to, and I myself want to be engaged by then… And, since those flights cost an arm and a leg, I don’t know where I’m gonna afford it from.
However, I’ll see if I can make ends meet, and I’ll let you know soon if I can make the half marathon (that’s another story altogether).
I am really a lost for words. I have been having the same feeling. Of those you have mentioned, I think Oso is the only one I haven’t exchanged emails with, but truth be told his insights, have influnced me tremendously.
After reading your definition of a Xicana, played a major play part in shaping my own identity and for that I thank you. I am also can remember the remember how I got to know Cindy Lu, it was comment she made on Oso’s blog that made me reach out to her, which I would later find out, she knew of my father’s research. Cindy, congrats on your engagement.
As for HP, well, what can I say… there are times, I just wonder what he says is just to get into our heads. Regardless of his political stance, he is somebody I still would like to meet.
Even though I never met any of you in person, I still feel like I do. This is one reunion I won’t miss.
Thanks for including me in the invite! I fondly remember the days when we all linked to each other on our blogrolls and read each other’s blogs regularly. Since starting my first blog in 2003, I’ve moved from Blogger->Wordpress->Vox->Tumblr (where I still remain, even though it’s rare that I post a lengthy post there). I agree that Facebook just isn’t the same . . .
My finances are too tight to pull off a flight to San Diego, but I hope you all have a wonderful time and update us all about it. =)
Amaury,
Gracias! I didn’t know you were XP even though I follow you.
Elena Mary thanks for sending me the link to this post. What a pleasant blast from the past. I’ve missed blogging and wondered about members of blogotitlan whose blogs I used to follow. It was cool to meet you (although our visit was way too brief), and Cindylu and HP. It was also surreal bumping into Cesar in the South Loop when he was in Chicago for AWP. Not to mention the bloggers closer to me that I’ve continue to have as friends. I don’t know about flying to San Diego, much less running a marathon but do keep us posted–can those that can’t make it skype in?
I’m butt hurt that Cindylu (btw, it’s lower case “l” – just as cad is all lowercase)put Oso’s name first on the list of notifications! Can I get some affirmative action love here?!?
I’m definitely there. And, making a cameo appearance will be a member of the next generation of bloggers: Lil HP himself. Of course, like his father, he will be there only to quote others, contributing little to the “emotional side” of the reunion. Only well thought out repetitions of what others have said will be mentioned. No poetry, no verboseness, and certainly no crying – though an occasional hug is possible. Oh and, like his father, he will have perfected one of the seven deadly sins: Sloth. And will be sitting and pointing while others are busy doing the hardwork. :-)
Well, this was nice to read. I blogged with you all for a very short period of time, and if I didn’t directly communicate with you, I was defiantly lurking on your sight. I didn’t touch on political and social issues as much as most of you all did. My blog was called “Normies World” and if I came by your blog my name was Normies. I remember all the ladies from Chicago; such as Mariposa Atomica whose blog I created a butterfly for. I remember Gustavo Rojo and yourself Elena. I even became close with a group of Latinas I met on a message board that I am still close to this day who probably know more about me than my own family.
It was an interesting and pure time back then where there was no Facebook or any type of social media. I am not sure what to make of this Facebook. I am annoyed but it, but it seems to be the only source that connects me to people I do care about. Anyways, nice to see you have connected with your freinds.
[...] wrote a much better post on the reunion. [...]
[...] than just about anyone else in this world; only we had barely ever met. (Elenamary, she’s written all about [...]
I have 2 entries in my blog saved as drafts about this topic. It seems like twitter killed the blogging star…
However, that is not true.
My best friend is a blogger that until years later I did not meet in person. We are in constant contact, more so than with most of the friends I have in the same city. We are closer than I ever though we could be.
I met my wife through our blogs and while she has really cut back on her posting, I know the desire is there.
I got here via Oso, but I have also had plenty of online chats with HP. I do feel like there needs to be a revival, and darn it, I also have to talk more about the Latino experience.
Your post really has fired me up, I hope I can take that momentum forward.
Thanks for sharing!
thanks for sharing this, elenamary. i started blogging later (~2004), but you were the one who connected me with the latino/a blogosphere. i remember that you emailed me and asked if you could include my blog on your blogroll. when i checked out your blogroll, i was amazed and thrilled to see all the different chican@/latin@ blogs. thank you for connecting me to that community. it really changed me life: i ended up getting married to a fellow chicano blogger!
Wow. This post made my day. You made me miss my blogera days @ Soulmusings.blogspot.com . And you are correct. Facebook does not even begin to compare to the honesty and soul baring we shared in our blogs back in the day. EMC, Sensory Overload, , El Oso, EthnoQueer, Elenamary, Injust Spring, just to name a few, stir so many memories of a common thread and a real connection, a real sense of community. I miss it so very much!