waves of motivation

Waves of motivation.

I miss blogging. I miss spilling out the truth until it no longer burned inside of me and the sting had been released.
I miss connecting with amazing people doing amazing things.

I have been scared before about writing publicly and the academic impact it might have.  I realize though that blogging helped me get into graduate school.  It was blogtitlan that encouraged me to apply, it was members of blogtitlan who looked over my applications and essays.  They have given me much guidance and I am now shocked to look around and see how many of us from early blogtitlan went into academia.  I wonder how we ended up here.

David always talked about us as being the flowers in the cracks of sidewalks, we found ways to flourish were there weren’t others.  We also however, found each other.

I am feeling more motivated to write for multiple reasons.  The burning inside is getting to be too much.  As I assimilate more and more with academia I find myself unhappier and disconnected from reality.  And while fear kept me from writing before, I now recognize the support team I have that understands I am more than someone creating a space in academia.  There is more too me than what academia acknowledges.  That more is what makes me a different academic and different human.

It is not just the fact that I am Chicana and there are are so few of us, but also because I am unapologetic in my boisterous presence, in my womaness, in my political being, in my engaging in many fashions including blogging.

Here is my gentle wave back into the ocean of blogging, that I deserve and hope to grow from.

One thought on “waves of motivation

  1. I know you aren’t too keen on anthropology at the moment, but the discipline has “squeaky wheel” award for someone who stands up to institutions, the discipline, or anywhere else that needs a good bonk on the head. It was started in honor of Louise Lamphere who sued Brown for gender discrimination and sexual harassment in the 1970s and won (and forced Brown and then other institutions to change – problem hasn’t be solved, but at least there are supposed to be mechanisms, but I digress).

    You are doing what you are supposed to do. Advance yourself, advance learning, challenge the system, enlighten others, and just overall be a Xingonx.

    You make the rest of us proud.

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